Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize