As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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