do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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