nutella sex= disaster
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I will pee on everything he values.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
