Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
