I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
At least life still wants to fuck me.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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