Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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