please come you make the beer taste better
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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