just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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