I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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