So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
