OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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