Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
