When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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