theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
