Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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