So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
