You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
