Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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