Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
