is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
