Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
