You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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