Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
