oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
