And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
