I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
