gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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