you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
we're making bets on your personal life
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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