Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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