I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
