nut hugger
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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