Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
