if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
