Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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