Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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