one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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