Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
