I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
