If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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