I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
