it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
