it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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