bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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