i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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