just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize