umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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