I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
