He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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