sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
