dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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