I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
