dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
