I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
