Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
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