Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
