i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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