I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
