that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
