I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
