I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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