Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
