a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize