You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
