I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
