Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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