Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The struggles of a small town man whore
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
