wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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