I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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