Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
