It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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