My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
