Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
