george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
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