Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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