Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
