Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
