OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
