i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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