I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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