I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
