walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
