using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
