sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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