Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I understand Curling. That high.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
