Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
