I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
