His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
