If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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