I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
