It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
