I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
We named our party play list daddy issues
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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