i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I believe in your delicious
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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