Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
