I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
