The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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