Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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