What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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