Your mouth is God's brothel.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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