Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
