He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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