What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
