Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
