Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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