how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
