im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
