Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
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