idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
