So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My day in three words: secret purse cake
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
