Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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