Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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