chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
